PARADIGMAFIFA

Today is the 34th days of my arrival back home after nine months or so lived my life in far far away land. I came back one exact day before my 23rd birthday, and I feel relieved when my mom´s face was the first thing I saw at the airport´s arrival gate on August 15th, 2011. I realized how much I´ve missed her right at that moment, and we cried a bit, and then the next day I had my birthday (with no party of course, since I ain´t no like that stuff), and met my closest friends in life, had so much fun in town, then days passed and my best best girl friend married two days ago, and now here I am.

Time has passed. No more ´being on the rocky road´ with every signs popped out and available to choose, freely. The risks was on my hand, to go or not to go, to take or not to take, ultimate freedom. 

One thing I love from being a traveller is, I feel honoured to have the ability to choose with no other people involved in this part. I met people from different side of the universe with totally different ways to see how their life should go, but we´re all linked by one fact: We´re in the road, so be unite, let´s walk and observe the place, go together and laugh about life. We´re all trying to put aside reality and simply just travel.

But when it´s time to come back home, the other way around facing us (well in this case, me).

The point is: It´s hard to settling back yourself in one totally different situation than you´ve ever had when you were staying abroad in the opposite life´s condition.

I feel weak than I´ve ever be. I never had this feeling before, even though I travelled abroad before, yes, but not like this one I had in South America. From the duration of time, the people I met and had relationship with, the stories that been made there, the culture, the way I got my informal education from a lot of people, and so on and so on. I think I have fallen in love with the last experience I had in my life. I have fallen in love not only with the people and the memories, but with the way I get myself grew in there as a human.

I know I had one fundamental reason for coming back home, and that´s why I ensured myself to came back. Now the more I look back to those days of mine in South America (Lima, Pisco, Arica, Iquique, Antofagasta, Uyuni, La Paz, Puno, Cuzco, Santiago, and the carribean´s Port au Prince, Les Cayes, Port Salud, Cap d´ Haitien), the more I feel like I wanna get the very first flight to go back in there.

This ´hurry up!´ emotional feeling is the very first thing that drove me crazy. All I could think lately were about how could I get myself out of this town, what should I do here in Jakarta meanwhile, whom I should go to in order to get my mind happier than now, and all those pictures I still keep close with me about cities and memories in South America.

I´m getting crazy!!! 

Probably I could just simply buy the ticket and go back or go somewhere else. Yes.

But one of the closest people of mine told me several times through the messages he sent me on Facebook. He told me to find the meaning of life, to do anything I want with purpose, to find my happiness without being trapped in the past.

I have to know the meaning of doing something. Even the the most simple thing in life, because everything, I repeat, EVERYTHING in this life is wholefully meaningful.

So even if I fly back to the place where I was the next morning, will that makes me happy?

So even if I travel back in time (even it´s absolutely impossible), would that makes me happy?

First thing first, I think that´s the philosophy I have to keep myself with. I have to find the meaning of doing and choosing something. I have to know the purpose of my life and which route I have to choose next, and the most important of all, to be happy, I have to find my own happiness, with no people jump in and take the lead on it, cause I´m the only person who know how to make myself happy, not other people.

After I find the purpose, after I finish the fundamental reason thing I should do here in Jakarta, then I would be able to walk straight into the destination I wanted to go, wherever that is. It could be here in Jakarta, somewhere in Europe, certain part of Australia, or North America, or linking around Southeast Asia, I dont know! 

I am 23 years old and I believe that age is only numbers, no meaning after. I dont wanna get trapped in tradition nor culture about what to do/what to achieve/what to show when you´re 24 or 25 or 26 and so on. 

My life is not a broadway with the night show kickin´ in and people get their ticket to see. Furthermore, I dont think I have to show anything to anyone. What for?

The Art of Being Patient, I am in.